Don’t tell your spouse bad things, that’s the biggest mistake of ex-husband and wife – Dr. Zulkifli

Ask husbands and wives, the most undesirable thing in marriage is divorce. Aside from hurting many hearts, divorce is something that God hates.

The Prophet SAW said:

The most hated of the laws of God is divorce

Meaning: “The halal that God hates most is divorce.”
Narrated by Abu Daud (2178), Ibn Majah (2018), al-Hakim (2/197).

In the meantime, when a marriage is failing, there are certainly many things husband and wife need to consider that will not salt the wounds any further.

Women’s Weekly shared a statement from former Minister of Religion Datuk Dr. Haji Zulkifli bin Mohamad al-Bakri who once spoke out on celebrity divorce issues and gave us all very good advice.

Given the unhealthy phenomenon that is occurring in society regarding the issue of divorce, we address this advice to the following parties:

1. Advice for husband and wife

Islam teaches its people to keep marriage in a good way and also to dissolve it in a good way. This is clear as the meaning of the verse in Surah al-Baqarah, “Talaq (which may be referred to) twice. After that, you can go back to counseling in a good way or divorce in a good way.”
Imam al-Maraghi in his Tafsir (1/488) mentions the meaning of “divorce in a good way”:

“The husband should not tell other people about his ex-wife’s ugliness and self-respect so that others will stay away (from his ex-wife) if he wants to marry another man. The attitude of talking about the ex-wife’s badness is a major flaw in the bond that has formed between the two.

The gradual determination of religion in this divorce problem shows the love of Islam to deal with social problems that bring good results to the family and children’s education, guide the spirit and lead a stable life. Therefore, it is possible to build the cooperation of parents in correcting mistakes and let them know the parents’ attention as much as possible, each parent performs the task according to their position.

In today’s context, the way of courtesy includes legally registering marriages and divorces and safeguarding the interests and refusing to harm the spouse, especially the wife. This also includes the documentation process. This is because women must observe the iddah period, cannot accept applications and are not allowed to marry other people during this time. The failure of the spouse, especially the ex-husband, to register the divorce and obtain a confirmation document puts the ex-wife at risk of harm if she wishes to marry someone else after the end of the iddah.

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2. Family counseling for spouses

To the families of the parties to the dispute, such as in-laws, brothers and sisters, we advise the following:-

“The determination of the Talaq law and its results according to Islam is a symbol of the glory of Islamic law. It is also a superior argument that the rules of Islamic Sharia are very compatible with human nature and its natural needs.

This fact becomes clear when one sees that the other ummats are retreating from the position of those who forbid talaq and see marriage as an eternal prison inhabited by husband and wife whether they like it or not.

This is after seeing that being detained will lead to very bad outcomes and very dangerous crimes. They have realized that marital relationships cannot be forced. If he is forced, there will be an accident for the whole family, even if it is like a volcano bringing destruction, murder and destruction. Islamic Sharia attaches great importance to efforts to create understanding between husband and wife in order to love and live together enduringly.
Nonetheless, this effort not only binds the jealousy of the husband and wife, but rather happens with reminders and guidance to create various positive guarantees to foster love and understanding between them.

In this way, keep them away from the elements of discord and hatred. Among the most important factors advocated by Islam is the existence of authentic religious beliefs between husband and wife, fulfilling all stipulated obligations and always of noble character as governed by the Sharia of Allah SWT.
This is the factor that prevents the collapse of the household and also creates Sharia as a law to be referred to when necessary i.e. when the couple is negligent in implementing the manners prescribed by God to manage the household life and the feelings of love and to keep affection between them .

Based on the harmonious state of the household and family and strict observance of Islamic laws and customs, it was found that cases of divorce were almost non-existent.

When one sees or hears that most divorces take place in families free from the shackles of Islam and stemming from its rules and customs.”
See al-Fiqh al-Manhaji (translated edition) (2/10-11)

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Therefore, a party’s family should not make a statement on social media, because turning this matter over to those who do not have the power and authority to resolve the issue is just a sin and cruelty that exposes shame and does not resolve the issue . Ideally, provide protection support and associated costs for more thorough and effective case resolution.

READ HERE :- The husband violates God’s law, the wife has the right to choose her own path
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3. Advising journalists

We advise fellow journalists covering this topic, including newspaper writers, bloggers and others, to keep the following points in mind:

• Avoid heating up the atmosphere and making it too sensational, which is shameful for a Muslim.

From Ibn Umar R. Anhuma the Prophet SAW once said from the pulpit:

ي مَعْشَرَ أَسْ أَسْ بِocket و و ا ا إ قَ قَ قَ َ َ تُؤْذُو تُؤْذُو ا و و و تَتَّبِعُو تَتَّبِعُو عَوْرَ ا ا ا ا ا ا ا وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ وَ
It means: “O young people who have become Islam with their tongues, but the faith has not yet entered their hearts. Do not hurt the Muslims, do not mock and insult them, spy on their shame, because whoever seeks the shame (or weakness) of his Muslim brother, God will surely reveal his shame even if he is in his house.”
Muslim History (2032)

• Adhere to Fiqh al-Tabayyun for authentic news from an authoritative body, the court.
• Avoid writing uncertain assumptions.

The Word of God Almighty:

يَا أَيُّهَا ا جْتَنِبُوآمَنُو كَثِيرً ا ا ا ا وَ وَ وَ وَocket تَجَسَّسُو تَجَسَّسُو تَجَسَّسُو بَعْضً يَأْكُ يَأْكُ َحْمَ َحْمَ َحْمَ مَيْتً وَ وَ ا ا ا ا ا ا تَوَّ تَوَّ تَوَّ تَوَّ تَوَّ تَوَّ تَوَّ تَوَّ تَوَّ رَّحِيمٌ رَّحِيمٌ
Meaning: O people who believe! Stay away from the majority of guesses (lest you guess the forbidden guesses), because some of those guesses are actually sins; and do not spy or look for people’s faults and shame; and don’t half of you curse the other half. Do any of you like to eat your dead brother’s meat? (If that’s swearing) then of course you’re disgusted with him. (Therefore obey the above prohibitions) and fear Allah; Verily Allah accepts repentance and is Merciful.
(Surat al-Hujarat: 49)

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• Avoid breeding hatred

4. Advice to the public

We advise the public to do the same as above, with the addition that they should not post comments on social media that are not based on knowledge but on mere guesswork. This is part of the perfection of Islam. Meditate on the following passages;

From Abu Hurairah RA the Prophet SAW said:

From the goodness of his Islam is to be left what does not concern him

It means, “It is part of the purity of a person’s Islam if he leaves behind something that is of no use to him.”
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2317).

When a Muslim realizes his duties and responsibilities, he will be preoccupied with himself and pay attention to things that will benefit him in this world and in the hereafter. He will stay away from useless things, distance himself from vile things, and pay attention to things that concern him. See al-Kafi Syarah Hadith 40 (p. 132)

From Hudzaifah RA that the Prophet SAW said:
Scavengers will not enter paradise
Meaning: “He who complains will not go to heaven.”
Narrated by al-Bukhari (6056)
From Abu Hurairah RA that the Prophet SAW said:
People will come to people who are being deceived and the liar will be believed and the sincere in it will be lied to and he will be cared for in it. He said: The man who is insignificant in the affairs of the common people.
Meaning: “There will come human years full of deceivers. Liars are trusted while honest people are lied to. Traitors are trusted, while trustworthy persons are betrayed, and Ruwaibidhah is allowed to speak.” The Companions asked, “Who is Ruwaibidhah?” The Prophet replied, “Individuals who are weak and stupid but talk about public affairs.”
Narrative of Ibn Majah (4036)

Hopefully, with the above orders, we can end the culture of slander and slander, improve family relations, and find a peaceful solution between the conflicting parties. God willing.